Random Musings

Ho Ho Ho

2009-12-25T05:53:38Z

We took the boys to mall today because they were concerned that they hadn't spoken to Santa, nor one of his "helpers". As I sat there for thirty minutes while my darling wife and the boys were in line, I realized that I, a bearded, jolly, fat man, was at the mall, on an insanely busy day, waiting for my children to talk to a bearded, jolly fat man. Next year a may just buy a red suit and cut out the middle man. Merry Christmas my friends.

elmgrows @ 2009-12-04T21:10:00

2009-12-05T04:10:42Z

Leave me a comment saying "Resistance is Futile."

* I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can satisfy my curiosity.
* Update your journal with the answers to the questions.
* Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions

1. Who is your least favorite author in the entire universe?
Christopher Tolkien. Hands down.

2. How long were you and your Marvelous Wife a couple before getting married? (I should know the answer to this but I always forget because it seems like you've ALWAYS been married, well, since she was about 14 at least.)
Although we knew each other in high school, we didn't run in the same socail circles. It wasn't until after high school when we met up again at Pizza Hut that we became involved. We went on our first date in December of 1992. I proposed in June of 93. We were married in June of 94. I guess that makes it about 18 months. And she was 18 when we started dating not 14.

3. What do you miss most about Alaska lately?
Lately I have been missing real snow. Snow measured in feet not inches. Enough snow to build snow forts and snow men. Enough snow to go sledding and have snowball fights. I have also been missing moose hot dogs.

4. Any plans for more tattoos?
Yes, but my darling wife has said I can't get another one unitl she gets her first. Since she has absolutely no interest in getting a tattoo, my chances of getting another one are slim to none. If I am ever able to convince her, I would love to have my LJ icon (Yggdrasil) on my left leg. Also my sister and I talked about getting matching tattoos with a sun and moon theme.

5. Given world enough and time, what would you want to be doing in your life that you aren't doing already?
I have always wanted to try my hand at writing a novel. I have ideas from time to time. They seem great in my head, but when I start translating them to paper they are pure crap. I would also love to learn how to paint. And I would love to get into photography. And sculpting. And welding. I guess really what I would be doing would be finding some sort of artistic outlet in which I could spend hours getting totally lost.

TESSA

2009-08-29T05:21:08Z

Today I had the privilege of being given a tour of the TESSA facility. The former Director of Call Center Operations at my place of employment is now TESSA's Executive Director. My boss and I were delivering books, clothes and schools supplies which have been collected over the last month or so. As we walked through the halls and looked at the artwork of some of the children who have been helped there, I was nearly brought to tears. I met several members of the staff and in my head I kept comparing what they do to what I do. They help people whose lives have been shattered, I, for all intents and purposes, sell checks. They worry about finding funding to buy food and furniture, I worry about whether or not the newest change in scripting or the newest product will ad revenue. I realized that I need to be doing something different. I realized that I should be somewhere else. I need to be involved in something where at the end of the day I can feel like I made an attempt to make the world better, even if only for a few people. Now I just need to figure out where I am going to do this.

Damn you Michael Jackson

2009-08-09T23:37:22Z

I am hot. Damn hot. I am sweating like..like...like what? I feel that the death of Mr. Jackson has stolen one of my favorite sayings, "Sweating like Michael Jackson at a daycare center". I was thinking maybe "Sweating like Rush Limbaugh at a pharmacy". Any suggestions?

Half way there

2009-07-22T18:03:43Z

On Tuesday, 7/14, my darling wife left for MD on a 16 day business trip. Today marks the halfway point. The boys have been wonderful. We have been occupying our time with movies from Netflix, Mario Party, Uno Attack and fishing. On Sunday I washed all of the clothes we had worn for the previous week and got the dishes caught up. My goal is for the house to not look like it had been lived in by three bachelors for 16 days. My other goal is to make it through the next 8 days with my sanity intact. I don't sleep well when my darling wife is away and I am starting to notice the ill effects of mild sleep deprivation. All work and no sleep makes Paul a mood swinging, muddle headed, groggy boy. All work and no sleep makes Paul a mood swinging, muddle headed, groggy boy. All work and no sleep makes Paul a mood swinging, muddle headed, groggy boy.

Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T15:28:46Z

I refuse to mourn the death of a pedophile. I feel sorry for his children. I feel sorry for the delusional fans who still follow him. As far as he is concerned, burn in hell kid fucker.

The Insomniac Rant

2009-04-20T07:05:20Z

More and more I am just part of the woodwork. Around but barely noticed. I am constantly on some one else's time schedule, trying to fit in to their "window". Then when I so much as express slight frustration, it is as if I have done something wrong, as if something is wrong with me. I look around and realize how much in my life is not mine. I realize how many of the leftovers and hand me downs I receive, materialistically and emotionally. Yet I am not supposed to be upset and if I am there must be something wrong with me. But wait, who am I trying to kid, it's not about me, it's never been about me, it will never be about me.

Easter explanation

2009-04-12T07:33:55Z

So I got to explain Easter to the boys this evening. I imagine to services at my brother-in-law's church tomorrow (SO THRILLED) that I will have more ~~deprogramming~~ explaining to do. I told them about Jesus and the cross and the empty tomb. When PJ asked me why the Easter Bunny hides the eggs I told him it was so that nobody would find out that he was fucking the chicken. My darling wife didn't find that so funny, especially at the dinner table. Actually I told him about the Babylonian goddess of fertility. I also explained the whole springtime rebirth concept. Now I am being told that I must go to bed so that the Easter Bunny can come. I didn't even know she wanted me to call her that.

Adjustment

2009-03-19T02:51:52Z

I stayed home today because it hurt too much to walk. I had done something to my back over the weekend and it just kept getting worse through out the week. While communicating w/ my darling wife today she informed that the neighbor across the street might be stopping by with some items for the Cub Scout Pack meeting this evening. At around 2:30 there was a knock at the door. When I opened the door it was my neighbor's husband, the chiropractor. He said "I hear that you are broken. Be at my place at 3:45". At 3:45 I walked, I use that term rather loosely, across the street. After a few minutes of pushing, pulling, twisting and popping, I was able to walk pain free. I have always been skeptical of chiropractors. This is the second time I have been adjusted by a chiropractor. Both times have been by him and I can say that with the way I am feeling now, I understand why people would get this done on a regular basis.

Sad day of celebration

2009-03-13T18:43:33Z

Today is the last day for the Director of Call Center Operations here at Checks Unlimited. Monday she will begin her new position as the Executive Director for T.E.S.S.A. This last week has been filled with tears, hugs, luncheons, farewells, good luck and good byes. Connie Brachtenbach is one of the people in this world whom I truly respect. She is an example of strength and leadership, especially during troubling times. She is the type of leader I strive to be. But this week has been more than the celebration of the career of a great woman, it has been a celebration of choice. At least once a month since September, we have witnessed some sort of a layoff. We have watched as our friends and colleagues have quietly and discreetly been shuffled out the door. We have watched as their belongings were boxed up and taken away. We have had to send emails, make phone calls, and text to say good bye. That is what has made this week so special. Connie made the choice to leave. She is leaving the business on her time schedule, with grace and dignity. We've been able to say good bye, farewell and good luck. We've been able to share tears, and laughs and hugs. This has been the best sad week ever.

Why?

2009-02-07T07:20:02Z

Why does no one ever say "Bless You" or "gesundheit" when I sneeze? Seriously. Never. This may sound crazy but the failure of those around me to extend even this small little gesture makes me realize how insignificant I must be to them. I just have to remember that it's not about me, it's never been about me, it will never be about me. This mantra helps keep me sane.

Did my mom lie or have we gotten stupid?

2009-02-03T01:29:30Z

When I was a kid my mom used to tell me to not sit too close to the the tv as it would ruin my eyes. Her definition of too close was 3 ft. I just told me son not to sit so close to the tv then I came down stairs to sit at my computer. Did I mention that the monitor on my computer and the monitor at work are roughly and arms length from my face. Am I ruining my eyes? If not then my mom lied.

Israstine

2009-01-23T00:37:32Z

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/22/opinion/22qaddafi.html

To the Tune of American Pie

2009-01-17T00:42:30Z

And they were singing, Bye Bye all you anon guys....
pointed my browser to Youtube and the flaming trolls cried
And the noobs were looking for that goatse guy, saying this the how the Rickroll died, this is how the rickroll died.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/tweetmeme/our-tax-dollars-at-work-nancy-pelosi-rickrolls-yo?w=1

Memorial Service

2009-01-16T23:45:14Z

I just came from the memorial service for the mother of a friend of mine. I decided I do not want one. I don't want some religious figure pretending to know me from the notes he took while talking to my family. And I don't want flowers. My great grandmother had a saying, "Send the flowers before the funeral.". In other words, say the nice things now, let people know how you care and how special they are to you. Let them know of the impact they have had on your life. When I die, I want good food, good music and free liquor for all, even the minors. I want people to celebrate my life.

Peckerwood!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-13T01:24:03Z

I know, I know two things like this in the last few days, just shut up and play along. I am trying to make my LJ more interactive and user friendly.

Scattegories rules:
Hit leave a comment, Copy the questions into your post, Erase my answers, Enter yours, and then copy it on to your lj page. Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real places, names, and things. Nothing made up! try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You cannot use your name for the boy/girl name question.
1. What is your name: Paul
2. A 4 Letter Word: Piss
3. A Boys Name: Peter
4. A Girls Name: Polly
5. An Occupation: Porn Star
6. A Color: Purple
7. Something you wear: Pajamas
8. A Beverage: Pepsi
9. A Food: Peanut Butter
10. Something found in the bathroom: Pee
11. A place: Peru
12. A Reason for being late: Pregnancy
13. Something you shout: Peckerwood!!!!!!

Damn swords anyway

2009-01-12T05:43:55Z

Occasionally we are faced with decisions where someone will be hurt based upon the outcome. I generally try to choose the option that causes no pain. Yestersol i was presented with a true double edged sword, damned if I do, damned if I don't situation. I was IMing with my 14 year old niece. To be honest it made me feel 19 again because she is very much like her mother. During our chat, she said some things that led me to ask "Are you cutting?". Her response was one of neither denial nor affirmation. As our conversation continued it became apparent that the answer was yes. She asked me not to tell her mom (my kid sister). I explained that I loved her too much not to tell my sister, but I respected her too much not to let her do it first. I then asked when she would tell her mom. She told me she would last night after her younger siblings were in bed. I asked her to IM or email me and let me know how it went.
By 6:30 tosol I had neither IM nor email from her, so decided to call. I knew that if she hadn't told her mom, I would be betraying my niece's trust. I was afraid of doing this if she felt as if I was some one she could confide. I was afraid that if I didn't call my sister would be extremely upset, and rightfully so, that I had withheld this information from her. When I called my niece answered and I asked if she had talked to her mom, she said that she had. When I talked to my sister she said that my niece had not mentioned cutting and that it sounded as if she needed to have a talk with her. Shortly after the phone call I got an IM from my niece which said, and I quote "What the Heck, I thought you were going to let me tell her?" Apparently when I asked my niece"Did you talk to your mom" she thought I said Can I talk to your mom. I know she is hurt and I know she is upset, but hopefully she will realize that I love her too much to not say anything.

Nicotine

2009-01-10T05:06:24Z

I have not had a cigarette in two days. I have had no withdrawal symptoms, no cravings, no mood swings. How am I doing it you may ask. The answer is www.puresmoker.com I am in love with this thing. I get the sensation of holding something, the hand to mouth action, the pleasurable feeling of the inhale, the sight of the exhale and NICOTINE. No burning tobacco means no smoke, no tar, no carbon monoxide, no carcinogens. I am truly enjoying "vaping". On Jan. 7 the afternoon talk show The Doctors listed this as number 9 in their top 10 health innovations for 2009.
I am currently using the Marlboro cartridges from PureSmoker right now but a have a sample pack of 10 liquid refills from www.johnsoncreeksmokejuice.com which includes flavors such as Mint Chocolate, Vanilla Ice Cream, and Peach Cobbler to name a few. Kids it's Friday and I am in love.

meme meme meme

2009-01-09T03:07:25Z

Welcome to the new 2009 edition of getting to know your family and friends. Here is what you are supposed to do, and try not to be lame and spoil the fun. Copy this and change all the answers to apply to you. Then paste it
into a response to me and post it on your lj site also. Have fun and be truthful!

1. What is your occupation right now?
Training Manager and All Around Good Guy
2. What color are your socks right now?
Olive
3. What are you listening to right now?
The sound of little feet POUNDING on the floor as they run around upstairs
4. What was the last thing that you ate?
Smoked Sausage in a BBQ sauce and a nive vegetable medley
5. Can you drive a stick shift?
Yes
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Vickie
7.    Favorite Ice Cream?
Phish Phood
8. How old are you today?
36
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?
Hockey
10. What is your favorite drink?
Rockstar Zero Carb, Maker's Mark and water, Grey Goose and tonic
11. Have you ever shaved your pubic area?
Yes on a regular basis. Helps me swim faster.
12. Favorite food?
Anything Mediterrean
13. What is the last movie you watched?
Hellboy II, and it fucking sucked.
14. Favorite day of the year?
Any day in which I wake up is pretty good
15. How do you vent anger?
  Plot sweet sweet revenge and then come up with horribly mean, hurtful things to say, loudly rant and stomp around for several minutes, realize that I probably have no reason to be angry, have a smoke and a smile and then I shut the fuck up.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child?
My teddy bear, Christador.
17. What is your favorite season?
Fall
18. Cherries or Blueberries?
Blueberries
19. Have you ever fantasized about any of your friends?
Yes, all the time.
20. Who is the most likely to complete this?
maribou21. Who is least likely to respond?
People who don’t read this
22. Living arrangements?
House filled with 1 wife, 2 children, 2 cats and whole lotta love.
23. When was the last time you cried?
January 5th when I found out my good friend's mother had passed away
24. What is on the floor of your closet?
Shoes and clothes that have fallen off the hangers, whip and handcuffs
25. Protection or bareback?
Depends on the course I am playing
26. What did you do last night
Cub Scouts and the Grocery Run
27. What are you most afraid of?
Losing that which I hold dear
28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?
Le Royale avec Fromage pour moi.
29. Favorite dog breed?
Golden Retriever
30. Favorite day of the week?
Sunday
31. How many states have you lived in?
3 (Colorado, Alaska and a constant state of confusion)
32. Diamonds or pearls?
Pearls. I especially love giving pearl necklaces.
33. What is your favorite flower?
My Natalie Rose

Vaklempt

2008-11-05T05:29:51Z

Yes we can. Simple, elegant, powerful words.

Halloween

2008-11-01T03:11:00Z

I got chocolate from an actual witch today. Talk about great Halloween juju!!!

The visiting astronomer

2008-10-29T03:26:14Z

The esteemed raisinbottom just paid us a visit. Our conversation turned to astronomy and the lesson began. It was great. He showed my darling wife and I Jupiter with his binoculars. Then he showed PJ. He explained to PJ how to use his fists to measure degrees. He also explained how astronomers use a lot of math and how they look for new planets. He helped us get PJ's telescope set up. Unfortunately the clouds were not privy to our plan so they blocked our attempts at viewing Jupiter. raisinbottom also downloaded Stellarium for us, which the boys were immensely fascinated with. It was the perfect end to an evening that had already included two Charlie Brown specials. The boys are very excited and PJ made me promise him that we would try to use his telescope tomorrow night after Cub Scouts.

Annual Pilgrimage

2008-10-24T01:14:38Z

I have once again returned from my annual hunting trip. My animal loving friends need not be worried, for the elk population of the Gunnison region was in no way diminished by myself nor those in my party. There were some animal highlights though. For the first time ever I saw a bear in the wilds of Colorado. In my youth, when I lived in Alaska, this was a common occurrence. Since coming to Colorado i had only seen them in peoples backyards or sticking out of dumpsters. I had forgotten the thrill that comes with seeing one in the wild. We stood there awestruck as we watched him disappear into the woods. Also on this trip I got to see a bald eagle majestically soaring over the river. Although the goal of the week was not met, I still would deem the trip successful.

The Debate

2008-09-28T23:49:06Z

Friday night my darling wife and I were watching the presidential debate. Our 4 year, Nick, came in and asked what we were watching. We told him. He immediately looked at the tv and said "That's Rock Obama" (he's 4). Then John McCain appeared on the screen and he said "That's John McTain, I want to watch this" and plopped down on the couch. My darling wife asked him which candidate he preferred and he said "I like Rock Obama". She then asked him why and he replied "Because he talks better than John McTain". He then sat and quietly watched the rest of the debate with us.

10 years

2008-09-23T03:43:15Z

1) How old were you?
THEN: 25
NOW: 35

2) What was your online presence?
THEN: Email
NOW: LJ, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, T-Nation, IH8Mud, CO4X4.

3) Where did you work?
THEN: Hearthstone Inn, Front Desk Clerk
NOW: Direct Checks Unlimited, Lead Career Developer

4) Where did you live?
THEN: 1 bedroom, 1 bath, 500 sq ft Apartment in Colorado Springs
NOW: 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath house in CS

5) Who did you live with?
THEN: My Darling Wife
NOW: My Darling Wife, The Boys, Midnight, and Morgen

6) How was your health?
THEN: Overweight, Out of Shape, Rapidly approaching Diabetes
NOW: Less Over weight (actually weigh less than when I graduated High School), Much better shape, Slowly approaching Physical Fitness

7) What pets did you have?
THEN: none
NOW: Midnight and Morgen

8) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse/S.O.
THEN: My Darling Wife
NOW: My Darling Wife

9) Any kids? Any plans for kids?
THEN: None, but we were trying
NOW: Two wonderful, amazing, incredible boys

10) What was your worst struggle?
THEN: Paying Rent
NOW: Getting the Boys to help with chores

11) What was your biggest joy?
THEN: My Darling Wife
NOW: My Darling Wife and the Boys

12) What did you consider your greatest accomplishment?
THEN: Still feeling like a newlywed after 4 years of marriage
NOW: Still feeling like a newlywed aftwer 2 kids and 14 years of marriage

13) What advice would you give your younger self?
So you know that thing? Yeah that one. Be patient and oh it is cooler than you could imagine.

14) What would your younger self say to you?
Dude. Seriously? You wouldn't fuck with me would you? Tell me all about it. Please.

15) Looking back, is your life what you thought it would be in 2008?
The only long term goal I ever had was to be a husband and a father, so this is how I hoped it would be.